Be there for each other

T19Krishna

今天读完了两本书，一本英文原版，When Breath Becomes Air， 一本同人于野的《智识分子：做个复杂的现代人》。

我也是看完书就完全不知道讲了什么，只是想写点什么，虽然都忘记了，不过有截屏笔记，当时看到哪点会被触动，但是时间一长就什么都忘记了。所以以后读书，就想到什么赶快记录下来？陆游貌似是用的这种方法，每有好句就立即写在小本子上。

如果是系统总结一下，那当然很好，只是会花费很多时间，我读书只是体验文字和故事，主要目的不是分享什么， 可能会慢慢记录想法。后面会再慢慢改善，看到底如何写读书笔记，只不过花费很多时间是一定的。但是现在我认为践行很重要，分享反而是次要，因为信息量太大了，精华与否倒不重要，关键是持续积累。

前一本是死亡传记，脑壳神经主刀医生Paul在得癌症之际，写下了这本描述他在医生和病人的角色之间转换的感觉，真实的个体故事，可以让我们好好想想死亡的价值到底在哪里。

Paul和他的妻子女儿

我刚开始读时是四月吧，记不太清楚，暂时也没搜索到，只是有印象读了 Rejection Proof | chapter 13 & book summary、Wonder | 全书总结 & 四月 reading、以及The Subtle Art of not Giving Fuck|三点微妙的生活艺术。

OK，都找到了。

这本从四月份读到现在，一部分原因是太悲剧了，恰好我心情也非常低落，就没继续读，并不是借口在忙。后面陆陆续续读了点，昨天留一点今天读完。

全书单词除了医学的专业用语，其他在四级水平，偶尔出现几个生单词，查一查就可以的。故事很精彩，值得一读，可以设身处地想，如果是自己，该怎么办。

我高二时出车祸，并没有想太多，只是一贯的叛逆，对世界毫无知觉，因为当时有限的经历和仅有学校里的知识，对生活的体会太少。不会有二十五岁的Paul那么强的写作功底。

I don't know. What I do know——and I know you know these things, too——is that your life is about to——it already has changed. This is going to be a long haul, you understand? You have got to be there for each other, but you also have to get your rest when you need it. This kind of illness can either bring you together, or it can tear you apart. Now more than ever, you have to be there for each other. I don't want either of you staying up all night at the bedside or never leaving the hospital. Okay?

在面对任何困难尤其是病痛时，有家人的陪伴是最好的， 即使结局仍旧是失去，但生命不就一直在点点损失么，我们有限的时间，就是为了获得更多的资本更大的力量，和所爱的人一起过好生活。

Yes，I knew. It was up to me, to quote her oft-repeated refrain, to find my values. Part of me felt this was a cop-out: okay, fine, I never gave out specific numbers to patients, either, but didn't I always have a sense of how the patient would do? How else did I make life-and-death decisions? Then I recalled the times I had been wrong: the time I had counseled a family to withdraw life support for their son, only for the parents to appear two years later, showing me a YouTube video of him palying piano, and delivering cupcakes in thanks for saving his life.

Paul 最后癌症恶化时，在病床山插着呼吸管时，也是让家人给他拔掉，他的最后一句话是：I am ready. 他的妻子知道，他已经准备好坦然面对死亡。

Once I had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, I began to view the world through two perspectives; I was starting to see death as both doctor and patient. As a doctor, I knew not to declare"Cancer is a battle I'm going to win!" or ask "Why me?"(Answer: Why not me?) I knew a lot about medical care, complications, and treatment algorithms. I quickly learned from my oncologist and my own study that ........Torn between being a doctor and being a patient, delving into medical science and turning back to literature for answers, I struggled, while facing my own death, to rebuild my old life——or perhaps find a new one.

在医生和病人两种身份之间挣扎，在科学和文学之中寻找安慰，面对死亡，重建新生，还是在人生的废墟之中继续存活？

I visit his grave often, taking a small bottle of Madeira, the wine of our
honeymoon destintion. Each time, I pour some out on the grass for Paul. When Paul’s parents and brothers are with me, we talk as I rub the grass as if it were Paul’s hair. Cady visits his grave before her nap, lying on a blanket, watching the clouds pass overhead and grabbing at the flowers we’ve laid down. The evening before Paul’s memorial service, our siblings and I gathered with twenty of Paul’s oldest, closest friends, and I wondered briefly if we’d mar the grass because we poured out so much whiskey.

Often I return to the grave after leaving flowers—tulips, lilies, carnations—to find the heads eaten by deer. It’s just as good a use for the flowers as any, and one Paul would have liked. The earth is quickly turned over by worms, the processes of nature marching on, reminding me of what Paul saw and what I now carry deep in my bones, too: the inextricability of life and death, and the ability to cope, to find meaning despite this, because of this. What happened to Paul was tragic, but he was not a tragedy.

这是在Paul下葬以后，妻子来他坟前尝尝看望，语气平静，唯有想念。

推荐阅读：读一读《当呼吸化为空气》

上篇文章：笑最慷慨，要多索取

祝你好运。