CHAPTER 8 GIVING A NO

goodbye-have-a-nice-journey-1973

1. 讲故事

 被拒令人难堪，拒绝别人也不太好意思。

那么他们是怎么做的的呢？ 

Jia Jiang写到他的被拒百天案例之一：

在健身房里，他想用自己的创办企业和运营博客经验来换取健身教练的一个小时指导。

但是教练说因为公司政策不能这样做，而是建议Jia Jiang加入健身俱乐部，这样就可以获取免费一小时培训了。

Jia Jiang并不想加入，也不愿违背“被拒一百天”的初心，就说他们能不能到别的地方来训练一个小时。

教练真诚地道歉说他签了非竞争条款，即公司以外地方训练指导会被解雇。

Jia Jiang不想让他被炒鱿鱼，但走之前问了下自己开始提出的建议他是否感兴趣。

教练并不喜欢，他希望做拳击事业。

Jia Jiang顺道答了句，这份事业很棒：“我很尊敬，他们都是英雄。”

教练道句谢，然后向Jia Jiang推荐了他朋友的健身房。

Jia Jiang got a yes.

在这个过程中，教练的NO并不令人沮丧，即使他对这项交易不感兴趣，还是耐心听Jia Jiang讲完，并认真给出答复以及不可行的原因，然后用自己的资源来提供帮助尝试解决。

这是一个完美的NO.

耐心与尊敬，微笑与真诚。直言干脆，别拐弯抹角，提供其他帮助：很抱歉我帮不了你，但我可以提供一些其他建议/信息。

2. 导读问题

【1】What problem didthe author meet that he hated in his life?

Deep into his rejection journey, being the person doing the rejection and teaching people to ask for what they want and then not saying yes to them made him feel like a hypocrite and a jerk. He hated this.

【2】Why was “yes-buts” a bad answer?

“Yes-buts” happen when the rejector verbally acknowledges or even validates are quest, then uses the word but or unfortunately to deliver the rejection.

 

“Yes-but” rejectors seem as if they are being polite and acknowledging the other person’s concerns and frustrations. Yet the word but—and especially the word unfortunately—totally undermine the rejector’s good intentions.

 

Not only do “Yes-buts” send mixed messages, but also they make the idea difficult for the rejectee’s brain to process and could elicit a defensive response.

【3】Please use three sentences to describe how to give a no

• Do it nicely: say it specifically with a smile and show patience and respect

 

• Give the bad news quickly and directly and add the reasons honestly afterward, make sure the person knows what exactly you’re turning down

• Offer alternatives even others did not ask for

3. 学表达

1）The sheer volume of requests started to weigh on me, and it made me less enthusiastic in my responses

表示要求很多，这里用的是 sheer volume of ，以后我们也可以这样用了。

sheer 纯粹的，完全的，十足的，nothing other than, used for emphasis

volume 指大的容量， a volume of 或者 volumes of 大的分量

weigh on sb： to make someone feel worried and upset——加重心理负担，使忧虑

造个句子：

The sheer volume of books started to weigh on me, not so many days left to complete reading them.

2）Being the person doing the rejection didn’t feel much better to me than being on its receiving end. In fact, it made me feel like a jerk. Once I got deep into my rejection journey, saying no also made me feel like a hypocrite

jerk 非正式：傻瓜

hypocrite: 伪君子

知道这两个词骂人意思

3）But in my mind, I always had that nagging feeling that I owed some people something

不断烦扰，纠缠不休

总感觉欠别人什么东西

4）My friend confided with me how much she had to do as a volunteer

But when she took on everything, her resentment would start to build.

 This dilemma had soured her on the work she was doing

confide——吐露私事

confidence——信心

confident——有信心的

confidant——密友，知己

build her resentment 心生愤恨

dilemma soured her on... 困境酸着她了，就是变困难了

这两个动词很好

Though the problem soured me, no resentment built anyway.

5）Some of the people who had rejected me had been harsh and dismissive, but others had said no with such finesse and kindness that they managed to make me like them despite their nos.

这是两组反义词

残酷的，不屑一顾的

精巧的，善良的

6）That’s when I spotted Jordan, a tall, young guy with bulging biceps.

They blasted Blazek for her arrogance and rudeness,

bulge 凸出

biceps 复数同单数形式  肱二头肌

哈哈，健身达到这个目标需要不少努力了。

blast sb for .. 比喻，用...猛烈攻击

又两个骂人的词：arrogance rudeness 傲慢与粗鲁

He revealed the events of marriage and money, and then, as expected, everyone blasted him for moral problems.

7）a grumpy and annoyed look——snarky attitude

A lot of people have the tendency to give indirect, sugarcoated rejections.

这一章描述负面的比较多，全是面目可憎之词。

grumpy 坏脾气的

annoyed 气愤的

snarky 语言讽刺挖苦的

 4. 送鸡汤

So I started looking back through my videos, examining how all the people I’d approached had delivered their rejections. I quickly found out that not all rejections were created equal. There were good rejections and bad rejections. Some of the people who had rejected me had been harsh and dismissive, but others had said no with such finesse and kindness that they managed to make me like them despite their nos. These “good” rejectors had something to teach, and I watched those videos again and again until I had fully absorbed their lessons.

Jia Jiang 反复看他自己录的音频，这种琢磨方法无论放哪里，都是可以做出一番成绩的，比如出书演讲，英语流利....在他执着的背后，我看到了新年。

即使我们认真看几遍短视频，一点点地背诵下来，慢慢积累，效果也是显著的。

向他学习！